| Questions and counselor's answers |
A:
I don’t think it is a question of what is appropriate, but rather, is it a safe thing to do. You could make the phone call and block out your number by using the *67 feature, but once you are on the phone it is much harder to not reveal other personal information about yourself, which I never recommend anyone do, until they know the person better. I suggest you reply to this man and tell him you would prefer to email or chat here on the site for a bit before you move to the phone.
A:
Do not send anyone information about yourself. You can always verify your photos, age, occupation through the site and it will show on your profile that you are verified. Scammers often ask for a copy of drivers license, passports and photos, so they can use them in creating fake profiles.
A:
In today’s world, you can never be too cautious. I see nothing wrong with meeting him for lunch and driving half way to do it, however; I would suggest that you ask a friend to make the trip with you, just to be on the safe side. I would tell him that you will be bringing a friend along, so he isn’t caught off guard. I think most men today understand a woman’s concern for her safety, so this should not be a problem.
Q:
Well here is the continuing saga about David. He finally thought and wrote about our predicament. here is what he said: Hi MissAnn, I've thought on things...I've even prayed on things, Ann. I think that as much as anything, my reality right now is such that I don't think I "have it in me" to possibly start up a long distance relationship. I'm not trying to be presumptuous in saying that I know that's what would happen, but my heart and head both tell me that's what would likely happen...and logic tells me that'd be the primary hope in meeting. I mean, I don't think we'd meet, hit it off really well and then say "okay, that was nice - take care now." Is it not a fear of something great or of happiness - God no! It is a fear of not being able to give you what you undeniably deserve, as you deserve the best I could give - even more than that, actually. I don't think you can realize - and that's not an indictment or accusation of any sort - how this situation with work just sucks the life out of me. I know I told you I felt I was struggling to keep my head above water...I mean it's as though I'm bleeding out and other than simply quit, I don't know what to do. This drain, this effort to keep putting one hoof in front of the other each day...it just leaves little energy for much of anything. (And I hate that.) We both know any relationship requires/deserves energy and I've always believed in that adage of "four seasons" in terms of knowing someone. And therein lies the rub... I don't know how you'll react to this but as I've always said "I've never lied to ya and I'm not gonna start now" and so it's in that spirit I write... If you wish, maybe we can visit over the weekend sometime... Thoughts?
Well here is the continuing saga about David. He finally thought and wrote about our predicament. here is what he said: Hi MissAnn, I've thought on things...I've even prayed on things, Ann. I think that as much as anything, my reality right now is such that I don't think I "have it in me" to possibly start up a long distance relationship. I'm not trying to be presumptuous in saying that I know that's what would happen, but my heart and head both tell me that's what would likely happen...and logic tells me that'd be the primary hope in meeting. I mean, I don't think we'd meet, hit it off really well and then say "okay, that was nice - take care now." Is it not a fear of something great or of happiness - God no! It is a fear of not being able to give you what you undeniably deserve, as you deserve the best I could give - even more than that, actually. I don't think you can realize - and that's not an indictment or accusation of any sort - how this situation with work just sucks the life out of me. I know I told you I felt I was struggling to keep my head above water...I mean it's as though I'm bleeding out and other than simply quit, I don't know what to do. This drain, this effort to keep putting one hoof in front of the other each day...it just leaves little energy for much of anything. (And I hate that.) We both know any relationship requires/deserves energy and I've always believed in that adage of "four seasons" in terms of knowing someone. And therein lies the rub... I don't know how you'll react to this but as I've always said "I've never lied to ya and I'm not gonna start now" and so it's in that spirit I write... If you wish, maybe we can visit over the weekend sometime... Thoughts?
A:
Does it make sense to you, that he would offer to fly you and a friend to see him and pay for all the accommodations and NOW claim he is hard up and his business is not doing well? Sounds pretty strange to me. I think he has chosen a polite reason (excuse) not to continue into anything more than a phone friend. Regardless of what is or is not the truth, he has pretty well stated his position. Now you need to decide if you want to continue being the phone buddy to a man you most probably will never see the white of his eyes. It is too bad he did not "have it in him" to tell you 8 months ago that he didn't have it in him to start up a Long Distance Relationship and the hardship his business has caused. I definitely would not be having anymore phone conversations with him in regards to marriage and you moving to Florida. In reading his letter to you, I take it as a "It's not you, It's Me" and the "Poor guy" antic. Please consider, this might be a ploy to see if you would be willing to come to his rescue financially. There are just too many "Red Flags" with this man. Sorry this is the way it turned out for you.
A:
What better way to find out, than to ask? I don’t feel you would be out of line by simply asking him if he has made a hotel reservation yet. If he assumes he will be spending the weekend at your home, better to find out now. Since this will be your first meeting, you are being very wise in not wanting him to stay at your home If you will be picking him up at the airport, I suggest you take a friend along with you. It is never inappropriate for a woman to be cautious when meeting a total stranger. Always better to be safe than sorry.
A:
He obviously finds something attractive about you, or he wouldn’t be spending time with you. I am not sure what you are referring to when you say, “the relationship seems to be going nowhere”. I see nothing wrong with him taking the time to get to know you before jumping into something more serious. Many people end up marrying their best friend, so for now enjoy the friendship you share with this man—you never know where it might lead. A couple of months of dating, is not a long time when you are looking for that partner for a lifetime. Relax and enjoy.
Q:
Hi! If possible, can you critique my profile. Several people have looked at it, 4 people has asked for my picture before it was posted. I got it posted, emaled them and then have heard absolutely nothing. Maybe they don't like the way I look, maybe there is something that I am saying that nonone is writing back. Can you please help me figure this out? Maybe I should get better pictures. Maybe I should email them again. I do think that if I emaill them twice and they don't respond, I need to move on! Usually I email and ask them to look at my profile rather than winking. Thanks for your help!
Hi! If possible, can you critique my profile. Several people have looked at it, 4 people has asked for my picture before it was posted. I got it posted, emaled them and then have heard absolutely nothing. Maybe they don't like the way I look, maybe there is something that I am saying that nonone is writing back. Can you please help me figure this out? Maybe I should get better pictures. Maybe I should email them again. I do think that if I emaill them twice and they don't respond, I need to move on! Usually I email and ask them to look at my profile rather than winking. Thanks for your help!
A:
Just keep doing what you are doing—often, members do not check their emails daily, so don’t get discouraged if you do not get a response immediately. Your profile is very tasteful and the photos definitely show the real you and your interests. It is hard to say why the men did not respond after you sent them your photo, but maybe they just didn’t feel there was any chemistry there for them. Remember, you are not going to be appealing to every male on the site, just as there are men I know do not appeal to you.
A:
It appears you have uploaded new photos to your profile and they are pending approval. Anytime you make a change to your profile it will be invisible for about 24 hours.
A:
Your profile is fine and the photos are great, but I noticed you are sending winks out to members who are non-paid members. A standard member (non_paid) cannot respond to a wink. In order to determine if a member is a paid member or not, the word “Recommended” will appear beside the username of a paid member. If you choose to contact a standard member, you need to send them an email, so they may respond to it.
A:
Welcome to the site. For safety reasons, I always encourage members to not leave the site or give out any personal information when communicating with someone they just met online. Internet dating is a great way to meet people, but it does take time and patience. Take it slow, email or chat online here until you are fairly certain the person is who they say they are and you feel comfortable moving to the next stage of exchanging phone numbers. Don’t be offended when a woman chooses not to give you her phone number, she is merely being cautious, which does not translate into her not wanting to know more about you.
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